


A Friend in Need

by FanGirlyGlee



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: BFFs, Gen, best bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 21:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18725158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirlyGlee/pseuds/FanGirlyGlee
Summary: After the events that took place at the end of S3, Ray is struggling to get back to normal.  He could use the support of all his friends.Also Nate is the best bro and in this fic I abandon my headcanon that Gideon and Mick are pals.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> M/M relationships are mentioned, but only as part of past romantic history and not between the main characters.

Mick searched every cupboard in the galley, his rummaging getting louder by the second.  “How are we out of rum?” he shouted.  Zari looked up from her book and frowned.  “I wanna make mai-tais,” he grumbled more quietly. 

Nate shook his head.  “Guess you’ll have to add booze inventory to the chore wheel.  Speaking of which…”  he plucked two empty beer bottles off the table and walked them to the recycler where he ran into Ray.  “Hey, no doin’ my job for me,” he complained as his friend emptied a wastebasket into the compactor.  Nate sighed at the sound of glass clinking.  “Ray, you know if you throw away perfectly good booze Mick just gets more and drinks it faster.”  The taller man shrugged and turned to leave without saying a word, but Nate caught his arm.  “Hey, what’s wrong? You’re awfully quiet.”  He turned and Nate caught sight of his bloodshot eyes.  “What’s going on, buddy?”

“I drank all the rum,” Ray reported, sounding none too pleased with himself.  “Not all at once, but I didn’t realize how much until I had to gather up the bottles.”

Nate was concerned. “Not to sound judgmental, but drinking straight rum in your room by yourself doesn’t sound like the normal Ray Palmer MO; healthy body – healthy mind and all.”

“It helps me sleep, and I don’t always remember the nightmares.”

“You should have told me you were having so much trouble.”

Clearly embarrassed, Ray tried to make excuses.  “You’re dealing with Amaya being gone.  I don’t want to be a downer.”

“I know our ‘tortured by Damien Dahrk’ stories don’t exactly compare, but all the stuff with Mallus did a number on my head too.  Hell, I got beat down by what looked like my grandfather.  You never even told me who you saw when...”

Ray’s back stiffened and he began to mumble while backing away from Nate.  “I don’t want to talk about it.  I’ll do another cardio workout in the evening to tire myself out.”

xxx

The next day, with Wally’s help, Zari finished the Waverider’s systems checks in record time.  It felt good to cross some mundane tasks over their to-do list after the intense build up to an epic showdown with a demonic entity.  “Gideon, what’s this one?”  Wally asked of a protected file in her memory core. 

“That is the repository of recordings made by the crew, past and present, typically in the event of emergencies.  It contains Captain Hunter’s various farewells.” 

Zari could see Wally’s interest was piqued.  “Get yourself a calorie boost and we’ll have a viewing party as long as none of them are private.”

“None of them are flagged as such,” Gideon confirmed. 

As it was near lunchtime, other members of the team stopped by to watch the warnings, rushed explanations, and goodbyes played on the bridge holo-display.    Mick passed out beers before he sat down on the steps, claiming that he wanted to “refresh his memory”.

He snorted at Rip’s rushed explanation of scattering the crew throughout time.  “I got stuck under the ocean,” he groused.  “Haircut got to play with dinosaurs. Where is he anyway?”

“Been in his lab all day,” Nate replied.  “Said he didn’t want to be disturbed.”

Sara grimaced at the sight of post-possession self, making a tearful apology to the team and promising that if they had to end her life to save theirs that she would only be grateful.  Zari sniffled a little, resulting in Mick kicking the back of her chair.  “Wasn’t that bad,” he insisted.

Abruptly Ray’s head and torso appeared, rendered in 3D.  His expression was grim.   “Uh, if you’re watching this my plan didn’t work and you’re probably mad – not just because I screwed up again, but because you don’t understand why I did it.  I can’t explain why I have to try again.  I judged Nora so harshly, just like I did you when we first met.  Then Zari and I met her as a child and I saw how she struggled against the demon inside her.  Damien…”  Ray paused, swallowing hard.  “He’s her father.  He was supposed to protect her but instead he handed her over to a cult that stole her life.  I know we tried once, and it seems like it’s too late, but if Damien’s really as sorry as he says he is maybe there’s still a chance.”  He rubbed his hands over his face.  “Look, the water totem didn’t exactly work for me, and I don’t have the best track record when it comes to saving the day in the last seconds so if this is goodbye all I can say is that I’m sorry.”

While everyone else sat in shocked silence, Mick got to his feet and stomped down the hallway cursing a blue streak. 

xxx

A short time later Sara went to the lab.  Finding Ray slumped over his desk she shook him gently.  His eyes flew open and he stood up too quickly only to stumble backward holding his hands up in front of his face.  Sara’s heart dropped.  “Hey, it’s just me.”  The tips of his ears turned pink. 

“I know!  You just startled me.  I was working and I must have fallen asleep.”  Looking over his workbench, Sara saw none of the typical signs of Palmer tinkering, although there was an amber bottle propping up one of his notebooks. 

Sara frowned.  “No one’s seen you all day.  The rest of us watched some holo recordings Gideon had in her memory banks.  It was supposed to be a sort of story time for Wally and Zari.” 

Ray paled and reached for the bottle, clearly dismayed to find it empty.  “I forgot to delete my dumb farewell message, didn’t I?  Dang it, I never apologized for abandoning the team on a hunch.  You guys used your totems and won, but Damien, uh, died, and you weren’t there.”

“I’m glad I wasn’t there,” Sara said earnestly.  “You were right.  He was her father and it was the least he could do for her.”  She hated that her voice wavered, and Ray gave her a quick hug before she could get lost in embarrassment. 

“I hated him for a long time too,” Ray confessed.  “First for holding me prisoner when I shrank, then the whole thing with the spear, and unleashing a demon on the world.”  He dropped the empty liquor bottle in the nearest trash bin.   “I don’t want everyone feeling sorry for me.”

“Healing takes time.  We’re here when you need us.  We understand.  Well most us do.  Mick…”

“…will ignore me until it’s convenient for him and it will still be awkward.”

“Probably.”

Xxx

After the death of Quentin Lance, Gideon helped Ray set up information feeds for Nate, Wally, Sara, and Ray so they could stay up on events going on in _real_ time.  One morning Ray awoke to sad news.  “Hey Sara, uh Captain, could I take the jump ship for a little bit? A mentor of mine from college passed away and I’d like to pay my respects.”

“Sure Ray.” 

Nate popped up quickly.  “I’ll go with you.  Could use a break from anachronism busting.”  He elbowed Mick, who jerked in his chair.

  
“What?! Oh, uh, yeah I got some errands to run.”  

As Ray had expected, Mick wandered off as soon as they landed.   Nate accompanied him to the campus of Ivy Town University where Ray toured his old haunts in the science building; proudly showing off the scorch mark on the cement blocks of the biochem lab that still had RP scribbled in pencil above it with a date.   In the science library there was a memorial display for Carl Jansen.  “He wasn’t a professor, but a hell of a teacher,” Ray explained.  “He kept the physics department running; everything set up in the labs, checked in on students pulling all-nighters. He was very kind to me; always willing to listen if I had a problem. He even had me over to his house a few times to check out his projects.”

“How come you didn’t want to go to the funeral?” Nate asked.

“Didn’t feel up to a crowd.  I might to run into people who know me, or of me, and then there would be questions about what I’m doing these days, you know, after my company failed and I seemingly faked my own death.”

“Come on, Ray.  You said after Palmer Tech that you realized you had other ambitions.  Who cares what a bunch of science geeks think anyway?” 

Ray laughed. “You think history nerds are higher up in the social hierarchy, Doctor Heywood?”

“My Latin translations get all the chicks,” Nate insisted. 

They walked to the bar near campus where Carl had bought Ray his first legal beer and taught him how to apply geometry and physics to playing pool.  The place seemed busy for a weeknight, then they spotted the framed photograph of Carl on the bar and realized that they’d found the funeral’s after party.  Ray sipped his drink – only one, he’d promised Nate – while he flipped through the scrapbook Carl had kept.  It was full of newspaper clippings and other documentation of various students’ achievements.  He found the page devoted to the announcement that he had been offered a full ride to MIT.  In his mind’s eye Ray saw himself, running into Carl’s office, whooping with excitement, the acceptance letter in his hand.  That night Carl cooked him dinner and they sat at Carl’s dining room table while Ray outlined his plans for the future and all that he hoped to accomplish.

Ray’s chest tightened, his head swiveling as he began to consider how many others in the bar at that moment had been fortunate to experience the feeling of being the most important person in the world to someone like Carl.  Nate was on his left, but Ray found himself staring at the young man perched on the stool to his right.  He was clearly upset, and being consoled by another man who looked to be in his sixties.  “Carl was proud of all his students, Jack” the older man was saying.  “And you can be sure that he loved all his boys in their time.”  Frozen in place, tears suddenly welled up in Ray’s right eye and began a slow descent over his cheek.  Carl Jansen had worked at Ivy Town University for more than thirty years, and he’d been helping young men find joy and freedom in his strong arms for at least that long.

“I always knew I wasn’t the only one,” Jack croaked.   “But he was my first.”

Ray’s stuttered breath escaped his chest.  “Me too,” he whispered.  Jack looked up, his eyes puffy and red.  

“He made me feel so safe,” Jack continued.  “I don’t know if I’ll ever feel that way again.” 

Ray stood dumbly, nodding and crying.  Jack put an arm around his shoulders just in time for Ray to feel the dam inside him break.  All the fear, self-doubt, and regret that had built up over the previous months flooded out.  He let Jack walk him to a corner table where he buried his head in his hands and let his grief spill out.  Nate kept an eye out as other mourners offered words of comfort. 

  


An hour later Mick resurfaced and joined Nate in watching a football game at the bar while Ray shared stories with some new friends.  “What’s that about?”  He jerked his head toward the corner.

Nate sighed.  “Ray’s finally working through some stuff.  I think he’ll be okay.  Hey, did _you_ know he’s bi?”

Mick grunted in a manner that indicated the negative and focused on his beer, glancing periodically toward the corner for the rest of the night until they all returned to the Waverider.

Xxx

On a mission to 1841 Washington D.C., Mick, Ray, and Nate succeeded in disposing of a piece of space junk without interrupting William Henry Harrison’s inaugural address.   Mick cashed in on his resemblance to a certain Revolutionary War hero’s statue for a couple free drinks and some attention from a barmaid named Alice.  Ray was disappointed when, as usual, Mick ducked out to “see a woman about a horse…the horse being my –“

Nate rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we get it,” he assured the pyro.

“It was a good day,” Ray observed.  “Wish he’d stick around sometimes.”

“Just Mick bein’ Mick,” Nate replied.  “Hey, wanna see if we can get in the inaugural ball?”

Ray grinned.  It wasn’t his thing, but Nate’s was so excited he couldn’t help but get swept up in it.  “Sure.”

 

Ray had hoped that after letting himself grieve for Carl he would begin to feel better.  Instead, the sense of isolation returned and he opted out of the next instance of post-mission revelry in favor of returning to the ship and consuming a couple THC edibles.  He’d found that marijuana soothed his nerves better than alcohol and there was no hangover.  Ray ended up in the cargo bay, bouncing a ball against the bulkhead and enjoying not thinking for a while.  He crawled up on top of some containers and dozed off only to be jarred awake by the ramp lowering to admit Mick and Nate.  The latter was attempting to deliver a lecture.  “What about the possibility of pregnancy.  What about STDs?”

Mick snorted.  “One, I got snipped years ago.  Two, I ain’t ever gotten anything Gideon can’t cure.”

“Yet,” Nate murmured.  Ray giggled and the trio jumped when they realized he was there.  “Whoa Ray, didn’t see you up there.”

“Thought I’d stay up and make sure you kids got home safe.”

“Not trying to sneak a plus one on board, Pops.  Besides, I’m pretty sure Mick’s the love ‘em and leave ‘em type,” Nate teased.

“Least I don’t date grandpas,” Mick shot back.  At that, Ray hopped down off the crates, glaring.

“Whoa guys,” Nate tried to diffuse the situation but Mick brushed him off.    

“Since when are you into dudes anyway?”

“My whole life.  I’m pretty sure that’s how it works – at least that’s how it did for me. If you’re asking why you’ve never seen me with a guy before maybe it’s because I know how to be discreet.”  Ray’s legs wobbled a little bit as they made the jump to the temporal zone and Mick sneered.

“Are you wasted again?”

“No!  I’m a little toasty is all, which isn’t hurting anybody, just like me being bi.”

Nate made for the door.  “I’ll leave you two to have a private conversation,” he declared.

Mick tried to leave as well, but Ray was tired of being ignored.  “What is your problem lately?”

“I ain’t the one with the problem,” Mick insisted.  “You’ve been mopin’ around for weeks, drowning your sorrows.”

Ray wrung his hands as anxiety reared its ugly head.  “I thought I was getting better, but everything suddenly got hard again.  I thought you of all people could understand, but I wonder if he was right.”

“Who?”

“I know it wasn’t really Snart. It was Mallus, telling me I should just give up because you’d never let me help you.”

“Don’t need a babysitter.”

“I know, but losing him messed you up pretty bad.  You weren’t talking to anyone and then you started sleepwalking.  It got so bad I had Gideon keeping track of you visually just in case…”

“You recorded me?” Mick was incredulous.  “It’s not enough we live together in this tin can, and you’re always tryin’ to rope me into team building exercises, but now I’m on candid camera?”

“It wasn’t like that.  I just wanted to know where you were, to keep you safe.”

“I’m not a pet that might run into the street.”

“I just wanted to look out for you like he did.”  Ray had heard it said that a person’s “eyes blazed” but had never seen it until that moment.  He was suddenly very glad Mick didn’t have his heat gun or the fire totem on him. 

“For the last time, Haircut, Len’s gone.  I don’t care how many other versions of him are on other stupid Earths.  He’s gone, and I ain’t lookin’ for a replacement.”

Ray flinched.  “It’s not like that, Mick.  You pretend you don’t need anybody – which is bull – and we’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Yeah? You’ve been pretty friendly lately.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you lost a boyfriend and maybe you think you’re gonna find a new one around here.”

Ray’s jaw dropped at what Mick was implying.  Taking deep, measured breaths, he worked to control his temper.  “How can you say that to me? After all we’ve been through? I’ve never said or done anything that would lead you to accuse me.  Jesus, Mick, haven’t you ever loved someone?  I’m going to walk away now before I say something I might regret.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mick shot his mouth off and definitely needs to apologize.

Mick wasn’t exactly proud of himself.  Once the righteous anger over being surreptitiously recorded died down, all that was left was the memory of Ray’s hurt face.  All that talk of taking care of each other had always been a problem for Mick.  They were partners.  It went without sayin’ that you helped each other up when one of you got knocked down.   It wasn’t as if he’d forgotten Ray’s near constant presence while he was adjusting to life after being Chronos. Haircut was an anchor for his memory; one of the few things he was sure of from the time between losing Snart and being woken up by Pretty.  It had been a rough few months, where Mick would often find himself in a room with no idea how he got there.  He was hungry and thirsty at odd times; agitated some days and exhausted others.

Mick knew a simple “sorry” wouldn’t cut it in this situation.  First, he slept on it.  Then he drank on it.  Then he let it stew while they cleaned up a series of historical messes. When Wally left the ship everyone was a little bummed out.  They were getting really good at fixin’ stuff and even Mick had a little team spirit.  But Ray was avoiding him, and he couldn’t let that go on forever, even if it did give him a reason to hide in his room and get manuscripts ready to send to the publisher.

He decided on a soft approach first, working through Nate.  They were up late one night when Mick brought up the subject.  “So I guess you didn’t know ‘bout Ray bein’ into dudes either.”  He sniffed and took a drink.  Nate cocked his head to one side.

“Nope.  I’m not sure why he didn’t tell me, but I figure he probably hasn’t always gotten the best reactions.” 

Mick’s brow furrowed.  “He shoulda told me.  Knew him before you.  Doesn’t matter to me who he screws.”

“You were a little outspoken on the matter of Leo having a boyfriend,” Nate reminded him.

“That’s different.”

“Because it’s a relationship, not just sex?”  It annoyed him that Nate was able to get at the heart of the matter so easily.

“Cuz he was all touchy-feely, and it was weird even though I knew it wasn’t my Snart.”

“Okay, first you have to decide what’s really bugging you – that Ray’s bisexual, or that he didn’t tell you? Aren’t you the one who said anything you tell someone can be used to hurt you?”

“Yeah, Haircut tells us everything usually.”  Mick sighed.  He was gonna have to think more.

 

He decided to consult a higher authority.  “Gideon?”

“Yes, Mister Rory?” 

“Guess we should have a talk.”  Mick was wary.  He and the ship’s AI weren’t exactly close.

“Would you care to choose a topic of conversation, or shall I suggest one?”

“I was wondering if you still had those recordings Ray talked about.”

“I do indeed, and I offer my sincerest apologies for any distress they may have caused.  I’ve just sent them to your device.  Would you prefer to view them privately, or shall I stand by in case you require context?”

“Don’t think I need anyone to explain me to me.” 

“Very well.”

The first few video clips had no sound.  They captured Mick’s sleepwalking excursions, most of which involved walking from his room to random places on the ship where he would stand motionless for varying lengths of time.  Sometimes he’d return to his room of his own volition, but then Ray began to appear, probably summoned by Gideon.  He always approached cautiously, appearing hesitant to touch Mick at first.  Eventually he’d place both hands on Mick’s shoulders and turn him toward home.  Every time, Ray trailed behind, making sure Mick got back to his quarters safely. 

Suddenly the videos began to have sound, likely because Mick had begun talking in his semi-conscious state.  Sometimes it was nonsense, or bits of Time Pig programming, but then he started talking about his life before the Legends.  Mick’s face burned as he realized he’d told Ray that he’d wet the bed until he was ten.

_Ray found him in the library, holding a book, looking at it with an odd expression.  “Hey, Dracula’s a really good book.  Why don’t I get Frankenstein for you too?”  The recording cut to both men in Mick’s room.  Ray set the books down and said goodnight, when suddenly Mick grabbed a hold of Ray’s hand, holding it for a moment before dropping it and sitting back in his chair with his eyes closed._

Mick saw from the timestamps that the time between episodes was increasing.  

_Mick sat in the doorway to Ray’s room drinking a beer while Ray folded laundry._ It looked like they’d been laughing.   

_Ray was in Mick’s room, helping him take off his boots and covering him up, chattering  pleasantly the whole time._ Ray’s expression was normal, as if he didn’t find the situation pitiable.    One night he brought Mick a gift.  _“I thought a weighted blanket might help you sleep better,” Ray explained_.  Shocked, Mick realized he still had that blanket, and it was his favorite.

_He seemed to be attacking Ray, who didn’t look terribly frightened despite being pinned to the wall._    _Ray didn’t freak out as the bigger man began to nuzzle his neck.  “No, Mick,” he said quietly, holding him out at arm’s length.  “We’ve talked about this.  Gideon says it’s your subconscious reaching out for comfort and connection.  I’m always happy to give you a hug, but that’s all.  How about you lie down and I’ll read to you.…”_

_Mick’s lips formed a perfect pout as he flopped down on Ray’s bed.   “My mom used to read to me,” he said.  “It was good cuz I could picture stuff in my head.  Head’s fulla weird shit now.  Dunno what’s real sometimes.”_

_“Have you tried writing it down?” Ray asked.  “You don’t have to keep a diary or anything, just get it all out in words.  I find it helpful.”_

_“Got a penmanship award in fourth grade,” Mick recalled._

_“Good for you.”_

Mick’s heart was pounding as the last clip began.   

_Ray’s room was dark and Mick stood in the doorway, staring.  The scientist tossed and turned, making sounds of distress.  “Anna-no!”.  Mick sank to the floor next to the bed, patting Ray’s back.  “Shhh, it’s okay.  You’re safe, Haircut.  You’re fine.”_

_Only half-awake, Ray sobbed, “I’m alone.”._

_“Nah. ‘m here.  Never leave you alone, Ray.  You’re my only friend.”_

 

“Gideon!” Mick shouted.

“Yes, Mister Rory.”

“That’s real? You swear that’s all real?”  He ran his hands over his scalp.

“It is indeed, Mister Rory.  You were “lost” is the word I believe Doctor Palmer used at the time.  He was determined to help you find yourself.”

“I need more info.”

Mick left his room and went right to Sara’s quarters, pounding on her door.  After a minute she answered with a sleep mask pushed up onto her forehead.  “Rory? What the hell is going on? I swear if you wake Ava.”

Mick didn’t give a rat’s ass about the suit chick.  “I gotta ask you something important. Back when we were runnin’ around with Rip - after Savage, uh, when I wasn’t Chronos anymore.”

Sara nodded drowsily and he took that to mean she understood what time period he was talking about.  “I-I was weird, right?”

“You walked around like a zombie half the time, Mick.  Sometimes you said stuff that didn’t make sense, and other times you said things we had no idea you knew.”

“I was re-equilibrating,” he sounded the word out. 

“That’s what Ray said and Gideon agreed. They said it would take time for you to come out of it, and they were right.”

“Back then, did I ever try to put the moves on you?”

Sara cackled.  “Heh, no, cuz if you had I’m pretty sure you’d remember being knocked on your ass.”

“That’s what I thought.  Thanks, Boss.”

Xxx

Mick knew he had no choice but to talk to Ray and try to clear the air.

Ray was in the lab.  Supposedly he’d been working on making everyone’s weapons pocket-sized so they could have them at all times.  “Is it okay if I watch you work?”

Ray didn’t look up, but shrugged.  Mick went on.  “If it doesn’t bother you, I gotta say some stuff.  Maybe you could listen.  You’re real good at that.  Uh, I watched the videos Gideon had.”  Ray’s hands stilled, but his eyes were trained on his work.  “I didn’t know,” Mick admitted softly.  “I didn’t know it was that bad, or maybe I did and wanted to pretend it wasn’t.  I knew you were there.  I just didn’t know how good you were to me.  Thanks for that.”

He was rewarded with a light hum.  “I shouldn’t have said what I did about you and, look, uh, I’ll tell you a story I haven’t before and maybe it’ll help explain.” Mick slouched against the wall and took a deep breath.  “When I first started working for the Santinis they made me cut my hair because the old man said only queers had long hair.  Nobody talks about what you do to keep from losin’ it when you’re on the inside, but when you get out you better start talkin’ about how much you missed chicks and how much tail you’re gettin’.  Sometimes I still do that without even thinkin’ about how it sounds.  I forget that you and Nate don’t give a damn whether I’m scorin’ or not.  You asked if I’d ever been in love.  Yeah, of course I have.” 

Ray half-turned, but kept his head down while Mick was talking.  “My first was Janie.  She’d grown up in the system, like me, so she was easy to talk to.  I pretty much moved into her place the day we met.  She liked plants, but always forgot to water ‘em, so I’d bring her a new one every coupla weeks.  She called me her gardener.”  He paused, smiling.  “She was awesome, but I never bragged on her to my buddies or brought any of my crew around. Cuz, see, Janie wasn’t born a girl. Didn’t matter to me.  She was my special lady.”

Ray leaned forward and looked Mick straight in the eye.  He found the strength to tell Ray the rest of the story.  “I got sent to county for 9 months for a small riot I definitely started.  Janie got the blues real bad, and by the time I got out she was _gone_.  I couldn’t tell anybody how bad I missed her, and I definitely didn’t cry on anyone’s shoulder.  Couldn’t be be soft like that back then.”  He paused, sniffing loudly and wiping his face on his sleeve.   

Ray’s eyes were wet, and Mick knew if they both started crying they wouldn’t get anywhere.  “I was jealous,” he blurted out.  “You got the chance to mourn.  I was angry that you didn’t care who knew you lost someone and that it hurt you.  I wished it could have been like that for me.”

“It could now,” Ray pointed out.

“Shit, Haircut. Aren’t you tired of holding my hand – literally and figuratively?”

“Mick, that’s what friends are for.”

“Still, you’ve done more than your share.  Listen, I’m not mad at you for missin’ the big fluffy blue mess or leaving that sappy farewell.  You saved the Dahrk chick, which is what you wanted to do so - mission accomplished. You gotta stop worryin’ about everybody else an’ take care a’ you.  You had it rough, but that’s all done now.  I don’t like you tryin’ to out drink me and the boss.” 

“I know.  I think I’m over that part now, but Mick, I led a man to his death and I don’t feel bad about it.  That bothers me.  Actually, it scares me a lot.”

“Damien Dahrk was a piece of - he was evil, Ray.  Doesn’t matter how smart-mouthed and slick.  You know the damage he caused, alone, and with the Legion.  He killed people, ruined lives, and never lost a minute of sleep over it.”

“Do you ever think about it – dying?  When Mallus possessed Sara I really thought that might be it for me.  It was so quick, but it hurt so much, and then I couldn’t move.  It was worse than when Anna died.  This time I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to just let go.  Maybe it would be better.”  Ray’s expression was one of deep discomfort and Mick could see he was reliving the terror of his near-death experience.

Mick looked him in the eye.  “That’s bullshit, Haircut. How could _anything_ be better without you? You don’t get to quit. None of us do, but especially not you.”

Ray blinked, looking puzzled. Mick continued.  “Who would do all the science and chores?  Zari’s good with the ship and computers but she almost poked her eye out that time she helped you with your micro thingies.  Nate hates dishes more than I do so we’d use paper plates all the time, which probably isn’t environmentally responsible.  And if Sara didn’t have you to yell at she’d have more time to focus on my screw ups.”

The laugh started in Ray’s throat as a rumble, then traveled down deep into his belly until he was chuckling and shaking at the thought of the Waverider in complete disarray in his absence.  “I see now how irresponsible it would be of me to abandon the team by getting killed.”

“I would lose a friend,” Mick added gently.  “One who definitely could never be replaced.”

“Not even with a hot chick?”

Mick grinned.  “Only if she reads to me when I’m half in the bag.”

“I-I need this, Mick – talking to _you_.  You’ve been there since the beginning.”

“I know. I’ve been wrapped up doin’ my own thing for, and I saw you were in a bad place, but didn't know what to do.”

“I heard you wrote a book.”

“Yeah, uh, you wanna see it?  It’s not good or anything.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.  What’s it about.”

“Nothing special.  This guy, Buck.  He has adventures and romances and stuff.  We used to get these cheap paperbacks donated to the library at Iron Heights.  Weren’t hard to read so I liked ‘em.  What else you gonna do when the block’s on lockdown but dream?”

“Look at us.  The eagle scout and the thief; heroes.”

Mick rolled his eyes.  “Coupla idiots who got lucky is all.”

“Maybe so.  Hey you wanna watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, no horror though.”

“Don’t have to tell me.  Demons are real.  Don’t need anything else keeping me up at night.”

“You can always come talk to me if you can’t sleep. I'll be here for you.”

“Thanks, partner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not alone in finding Mick's character development one of the most captivating aspects of Legends of Tomorrow. And while I adore Nate and Ray's bro love, Ray and Mick's friendship remains one of the more touching aspects of Seasons 2 & 3\. I wanted to write this ever since the end of Season 3 when it seemed like they were kind of glossing over some serious trauma for Ray.


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